MedMumFamily care
Caring for an elderly parent with your siblings: how to organise in 6 steps
In short. take stock together of everything that is needed, share out the tasks (not just the days), keep a single list of medicines up to date as prescribed and record straight away what has been done. That way the load doesn't fall on one person and nothing is done twice or forgotten.
This guide is about organisation. For treatments, doses and care, always follow the advice of the doctor and the pharmacist.
A very common situation
According to ISTAT's European Health Interview Survey (EHIS 2019), cited by the Italian Chamber of Deputies, in Italy more than 7 million people aged 15 and over care at least once a week for someone, often a relative, with problems linked to age, chronic illness or infirmity. When several people are involved, the most common risk is not a lack of goodwill but a lack of organisation: everyone does something, but nobody has the full picture.
1. Take stock together
Sit down together (a video call works too) and write down everything needed in a typical week:
- medicines and other daily tasks (blood pressure, blood sugar, exercises);
- meals, shopping, cleaning;
- medical appointments, tests, collecting prescriptions and reports;
- paperwork and admin (bookings, applications, bills);
- company, outings, phone calls.
2. Share out tasks, not just days
Whoever lives nearby can cover what has to be done in person; whoever lives far away can handle what can be done remotely: bookings, paperwork, online shopping, phone calls. Sharing by task makes the most of what each person can really give and reduces uncovered shifts.
| Task | Who | When |
|---|---|---|
| Morning and evening medicines | Whoever lives closest, in rotation | Every day, in the agreed time windows |
| Shopping and meals | Two people, in alternate weeks | Monday and Thursday |
| Appointments and tests | Whoever has the most flexible hours | As booked |
| Paperwork and bookings | Whoever lives far away | When needed |
| Respite weekends | In rotation | One weekend a month each |
3. A single list of medicines
Keep one list, written exactly as prescribed (name, when, how), and decide who updates it after each appointment. Different sheets in different homes are the most common cause of doubts and double doses.
4. Time windows, and "done" straight away
Instead of an exact time, agree a window (for example breakfast between 8 and 10:30) and a rule: whoever gives a medicine or does a task records it straight away, somewhere the whole family can see. It is the simplest way to avoid something being done twice or skipped.
5. A shared history
Keeping track of what was done and when helps answer the doctor's questions, shows whether something is often skipped and helps share the load more fairly.
6. Look after the carers too
Caring for a parent is a long commitment. Plan breaks and respite turns, talk when someone is struggling and find out what support is available in Italy:
- Law 104 of 1992 (article 33) provides paid leave for employees caring for a relative with a severe disability, under the conditions set by the law;
- the 2018 budget law (law 205/2017, paragraph 255) gave a definition of the family caregiver;
- the Comune and the local health authority may offer services such as home care: ask the social services or a patronato (a free advice centre).
FAQ
How do you avoid giving a medicine twice?
With one shared list and a simple rule: whoever gives it records it straight away, somewhere the whole family can see (a notebook always in the same place or a shared app). Before giving it, check whether it is already recorded.
What if one sibling lives far away?
They can take on the tasks that can be done remotely: bookings, paperwork, online shopping, phone calls, and the respite weekends when they are around.
Is there support for people caring for a relative?
Yes, for example Law 104 leave for employees and the home care services of Comuni and local health authorities. Conditions vary from case to case: ask the Comune's social services or a patronato.
Sources
- Italian Chamber of Deputies, current law and bills on the family caregiver, in Italian: https://temi.camera.it/leg19/post/normativa-vigente-e-proposte-di-legge-sulla-figura-del-caregiver-familiare.html
- Law 5 February 1992, no. 104 (Normattiva), in Italian: https://www.normattiva.it/uri-res/N2Ls?urn:nir:stato:legge:1992-02-05;104